PRAISE FOR THE DESERT INN

By William ShakeSpeare

O, my good Lords and Ladies, the Desert Inn, accursed amongst the many glittering houses of ill-repute which line the stripes of our fine City of Lost Wages, is, in mine eye, the shining star of sin.

Alas, is it not true that a sojourn to the Desert Inn fair exceeds the boundaries of expectation and indeed borders upon the realms of Mother Heaven herself? Nay, I shall elaborate.

Whether one doth drift to the River Nile, to the shores of Lake Como, or even to the majestic sands of Siberia, no journey is as rewarding and pleasurable as one by the Desert Inn, though thine expectations thereof may not be so grand.

One enter’s the realm of the Desert Inn through the crystal glass threshold, which sparkles and glitters in the nearby light. There, time and time again, one is treated to the warm hospitality of our most gracious host, Veronica. Veronica, and her brother, Solomon, serve our guests from the heart and with a smile, no matter the time or challenge.

The grounds of the Desert Inn are an otherworldly pleasure. Beautifully manicured lawns, foliage, and fauna inhabit the boundaries, providing a tranquil atmosphere to all. From the heated Jacuzzis to the lavish fountains, from the aviary to the petting zoo, from the marble walkways to the gilded stairwell - there is no shortage of things to explore and delight in each step of the way.

To speak of the rooms themselves is to speak of Heaven. Whether one wishes for classic, modern, or luxury, the Desert Inn caters to all of one’s desires. Lavish furniture, cozy beds, and marble bathrooms fill each space, tending to the practical needs of the individual.

The plethora of activities and entertainments hosted by the Desert Inn is nearly unlimited. From ice-skating rinks to cinematic screenings, from fine dining venues to nightly musical performances, no visitor shall ever be at a lack for things to do.

The majesty of the Desert Inn is something even I, a Shakespearian man, could not articulate properly. For any guise of jest, however, I can assure thee, my Lords and Ladies, that a stay at the Desert Inn will indeed be the most pleasurable and memorable one that one shall ever endure.

I have but one utterance for thee, my good Lords and Ladies: experience the Desert Inn for thyself and find out what I have just spoken of!